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The problem was a rare liver disease which to this day can only be cured through a liver transplant. Although there was medication they could use to deter the disease, there was no way to stop it…just slow it down. I can tell you that when you get news like that, it is quite an eye opener to say the least. When you face a situation like this it is an opportunity to see what you’re made of. Did you know that each of us has a choice? That’s right, even though I give God all the praise and glory for what I have been through, He gave me a choice from the beginning on how to walk through the situation. I could have shaken my fist in the air and angrily challenged God as to why He allowed this to happen or I could have chose to recognize that God is sovereign and even through suffering and pain He had a plan for my life…and still does! I chose the latter and praise God that He gave me the strength and perseverance to keep going each day. There was also a poem that I came across many years ago that really spoke to me the minute I read it. I believe it word for word and I would like to share it with you. Click on the link to view the poem…ATTITUDE!
From the beginning of my illness, I remember sensing that God had a plan and a purpose for allowing me to go through the trial and tribulation that I was facing. I also remember one day having this thought in my apartment that God was to blame for the disease and I should be mad at Him. I remember clearly rebuking that thought and coming against it in the name of Jesus. I can’t really explain it better than that, but I can say that I don’t recall ever having that thought again.
During the disease and even to this day there are times that something comes to mind which reminds me that God was in the driver’s seat not only during the illness but also that His plan was already working before I even knew that I was sick. When I became sick there was a cocktail of medication that I took in order to semi control the disease. This medication was pretty expensive and because I was refused benefits from work I had to pay for the medication myself. It was about $300 a month. Here is what’s so cool about that. I had moved to the apartment I was in at the time within the year prior to getting sick and the cost difference of that apartment from my old one was about the difference in the cost of the medication I needed to take. Had I not moved to that apartment I would not have been able to afford the medication. Funny…it seems God knew what He was doing, long before I did.
So, in July of 2002 they sent me to London for more tests and to decide whether or not I should go on a transplant waiting list. Boy that was really exciting news…more tests! One of the reasons I was going to London is because often times the disease lies quiet for many years, however waiting for a liver could take a while as well so I decided it was best to go on the transplant list. Eventually I was given a pager to carry around, so if a liver became available they could contact me right away.
As I was saying, early on I knew God was at work. When I had gone to London for the various tests I ended up getting really sick from one of the tests and actually ended up in the hospital for about 4 days with pancreatitus. If anyone reading this has ever had pancreatitus than you will certainly appreciate how painful it is. So, the day I was to be meeting with the doctors, social workers and both my parents that week to discuss going on the transplant list and other various things, I was laying in a hospital bed. Well for obvious reasons, I was unable to tell my parents that I was in the hospital that day, but eventually someone did and they were able to come and see me in the hospital. I mention this part only because I believe that this was the first time my dad really understood the seriousness of what I was facing. I don’t have children so I don’t know what it is like to see your child laying in the hospital. I’m not going to get into my past and stuff, but you need to understand that as a child and into early adulthood I didn’t have a great relationship with my father. Even after I had accepted Jesus into my heart our relationship didn’t heal overnight, it took time and hard work on both sides and I praise God for the relationship that we have today. As a kid I grew up in a good home and my parents always provided for us. They did the best they could just like any parent would, and I know they really did love us. The one thing that was really lacking from our family was emotional support. At times there was a great deal of anger but overall we really didn’t bond well emotionally as a family. I rarely remember being hugged or told “I love you” by my father, but to be honest I was somewhat of a troubled child...to say the least and I certainly didn't make things easy for him. I am sharing this only to help you understand the impact of what happened next had on me as a person and a son. I remember laying in that hospital bed and for the first time I that I could remember my dad told me that he loved me and it wasn’t after I had received punishment for doing something wrong. What a feeling that was. Since that time our relationship has continued to grow and he often times expresses how much he loves me and how proud he is of me. Rarely does a visit go by now that we do not hug when we see each other or when we are departing. I don’t think our relationship would be where it is today had I not gone through the trials and tribulations that I went through. I believe God used the disease to restore my relationship with my father. Not only has this disease caused my relationship to strengthen with my father but it has also strengthened my relationship with my mother and brother. I give all the glory and praise to God for the restoration and growth of the various family relationships in my life.